Wean On Me

     Rose has been up a lot this week.  By a lot, I mean she just won't sleep.  The lack of sleep is making it impossible for me to concentrate, impossible for me to get anything done, and impossible for me to produce any real quantity of breast milk.  Now, I've always had oversupply issues, so not producing that much right now doesn't worry me, really...but since she refuses to take her rice cereal with anything BUT breast milk it is a bit of an inconvenience.  The result of this inconvenience is that I'm cranky, disheveled, and always running behind.

     She has also come up with a new breastfeeding position.  I call it downward facing nipple.  It's a little inconvenient, too.

     Normally I would chalk this up to a growth spurt, a developmental stage, a funny quirk, but I have to tell you, this week I'm just done.  I want breastfeeding to be all over--even if it means giving up that breastfeeding crack hormone.  I've made it to (almost) 9 months, haven't I? I've gone through the cracked nipples, the mastitis, the cabbage leaves, and the forever-ruined tank tops.  I'm in an F-cup, for God's sake, and if you think that's sexy you haven't seen the way it translates into "uniboob" under clothing.  I'm ready to go back to my own life, where I am not the only one responsible for Rose's drinks, where I fit into my pretty lacy bras, and where I can where a non-accessible shirt if I damn well want to.  

     But Rose isn't ready.  When I try to pat her gently back to sleep she jumps out of the crib towards my boob.  She reaches for it when she's crying.  She pulls at my tank when she's tired.  It could be the breastfeeding crack hormone talking.  I could, like any addict, just be making excuses.  But it feels true.  I know this is a short span of my life...but it feels like eternity.  Any of you suck-at-home moms ready to wean? Or feel like you suck because you want to wean?