Cancer and stuff

It's been a busy couple of months.  

My brother has colon cancer.  He's my oldest brother, and the one who gets in the most trouble, so it should be no surprise that he found out about the cancer by falling down the stairs and breaking his arm, collarbone, and two ribs.  I know, none of these have anything to do with the colon.  I'm assuming they were checking for internal injuries, but with Eldest Brother, who knows?  He doesn't like to ask the doctor questions.

He had surgery to remove the cancer in his colon, but got a call last week saying they were going to do chemotherapy as well.  He'll meet with the doc today.  I sent him a list of questions that I'm certain he won't ask, but it made me feel better to send them.

If your loved one is diagnosed with cancer, ASK questions--when I was diagnosed with a cancerous molar pregnancy (gestational trophoblastic neoplasia that was invading the uterine wal, to be exact--and yes, that definitely conjures up pictures of little grumpy dwarves pick-axing my uterus)-- 

image credit: spongebobandfriendsadventures.wikia.com

I didn't ask enough questions, and later wished I had.

What kind of cancer is it? (Do you know there are many forms of colon cancer? And each one requires slightly different treatment.) What stage is it? (Staging also helps decide course of action.) If I require chemotherapy, will it be intravenous, intramuscular, or pill form? (Mine was intramuscular--a shot in the ass.  I combined that with a leukovorin pill, which kept my hair from falling out and my puke from ending up on the floor.)  Is it hereditary? (I still don't know.) If it's hereditary colon cancer, which kind is it? (There are two.) Should my children be monitored for this?  When will my chemo start, and how many "rounds" will I have to go through (there may be no answer for this, but don't you feel better knowing you asked?) And last, but certainly not least, what experience do you have with this disease?  (Because doctors aren't infallible, and you want one who knows his sh*t.)

So.  Ask your questions.  Get your answers.  Get a second opinion, if so desired.  

Then get treatment, ASAP.  Don't ask the doctor if you can postpone until after Christmas, because the kids would rather have you here for five more Christmases. (Yeah, I'm talking to you, Eldest Brother.). And pray. I'm not a religious person, but it can't hurt.

Good luck, and positive thoughts!

And just to cheer you up after this mostly depressing post, here's a hug:

The "Me Do It" Stage

The "Me Do It" years of a toddler's life can be your salvation or the bane of your existence.  Nine times out of ten, it'll be both.

Rose has hit the "Rose do it" and there are days where it's adorable:

Rose put her rainbow hat and green Froggie boots on all by herself.

And then there are times where it's not so cute.  For instance, today Rose wanted to change her diaper.  "Rose need do it a' by ha-sef!!"  Unfortunately, there was poop in her diaper.  And on her hands.  And on the potty.  Sigh.

I've decided to come up with a plan for Rose so that she can do as much "ha-self" as she possibly can--without getting crap all over my bathroom.

I put out some big shoes:

And lots of hats:

...in the hopes that the more she can do herself the less she will be...toddlerific when I have to help her.  I even bought some pull-ups, in the hopes that letting her pull up her diaper like underwear will give her the feeling that she is doing everything herself.

On the (very) bright side of the "me do it", she loves to help put silverware in the dishwasher, or clean up her toys.

Now if I could just convince her that a cup is much more exciting than breastmilk, I'd be in business!

What's In A Mom?

There are just those days...

There are days where I rail at being home.  The days where I am worried that this is what my kids will see, the laundry lady, the cleaner, and the cook.  Where I fear they won't see me, but rather this temporary version of myself I have become.  The one who can't always get in to take a shower until night-time, because Rose refuses to take a nap that day.  Who doesn't have the energy to bother with makeup and contacts. They won't realize that there's a writer in there, an educated woman, someone who loves deeply and takes chances by trusting people that don't always deserve it, by believing in people who are destined to fail, by giving my heart not in hopes that it won't be crushed but in the certainty that it will be fulfilled.

They won't see the optimist, only the suck-at-home mom.  They won't remember the woman who got up every day and worked hard at her job as a childcare administrator, but only the one who they come home to, who worked equally hard but doesn't have the pen and fingerpaint stains and folded up latex gloves with tissues from the playground in it (because I don't use gloves to wipe Rose's nose, and most times we don't even get to the playground) to prove it.

Then there are days like today, when I think about my childhood.  Before my parents divorced, my mother didn't work--my father never wanted her to.  (No it wasn't Macchiavellian...it was that old fashioned mentality that a man is a man because he provides.) So my mom stayed home.  Some of my greatest memories are going to Woolworth's with Ma.  Visiting Grandma and Grampa with her.  Sitting under the table at her feet while she played cards on Sundays.  The pretty dresses she loved to put me in (though they were damned itchy, back then, with those puffy, scratchy petticoats.)  My mother was the cook, the cleaner, the laundry-woman.  She was the nurse and the teacher.  I never thought of her as any of those things, but only as my mom.  When my parents divorced, she worked long hard hours, and I missed her, but I was still closer to no one.  

I think about those days, and I think I have it pretty great--I have the chance to make my kids look at me the way I always looked at my mom.  And I can live with that.

Tv and Writing Blocks

     I am experiencing an awful writing block, and it's making it difficult to fulfill my promise to myself to write every few days on the blog.  I'm struggling with the direction of the blog, too--after all, I am the Suck At Home Mom, but I am also a complete comic book/comic characters/Cosplay/Doctor Who geek who writes both non-fiction and speculative fiction.  Where does that put Suck At Home Mom's Cranky Blog? Do I use it for these general rants, or use it solely to show you just how sucky I can be at this mom thing?

     Well, just ranting about that is bringing me a few ideas for writing, so that's partially an answer in itself.  

     This week I'm having a hard time avoiding tv.  I used to keep it off all day, and Rose and I would play games, read books, go outside.  But lately she's been hooked on Sully and Mike (Monsters, Inc., Lalo (Lilo and Stitch), and Doc Masuff (Doc McStuffins.)  One part of my brain is yelling at me to shut that stuff off, to engage Rose in a myriad of fun and engaging activities...and the other half is ripping off pieces of duck tape to quiet the more conscientious side, by force if necessary.  

     Don't get me wrong, I don't want her to be like this all day:  

....but is it so wrong to want a little bit of time to write? To have a cup of tea? To pee alone?  

     I chose to have a baby 10 years after the birth of my second child.  I chose to stay home with her.  I brought her into this world with the hope that I would be enough to keep her learning at an appropriate pace, enough to teach her how to be caring, polite, smart, and charming.  I'm doing all of those things, and yet I still feel guilty for the hour of Disney Jr. she just watched.  

     Time to assuage my guilt with a little snuggle time.  What's your guilty mama pleasure?

 

I'm Baaaacck!

     I haven't done much posting in the last few months, between the kids being back at school and working on both a short story and a novel.  I just finished up the short story, and am submitting it to Tor.com, so let's all cross our fingers that they'll love it as much as I do!

     The novel has been tougher to work on, simply because of its scope and size, and I'm a much more "hands on with a pen" person when it comes to edits.  Hopefully I can carve out a little time each week to work on it and get it ready for publication.  

     Oddly enough, my best successes have been personal stories about my life and family, but my short story and novel are complete fantasy.  The only similarity is that I've been writing these characters since I was 12, so to me they feel very much like my own personal story.  I am pretty hard on myself, so I've edited a lot, which sometimes means big re-writes throughout different sections.  I'm desperate to have my audience love my characters as much as I do, and sometimes I re-read and realize I've got to explain something that's in my head but not on the page.  

     Any fiction/creative writers out there?  What do you find is your biggest challenge?

How To Survive Boston Comic Con

The 9th Doctor, Moon Knight, Poison Ivy, a Baby Dalek, and Batgirl.  

I haven't had much chance to write lately, between being sick and getting costumes ready for Boston Comic Con.  My costume was a little difficult--I went as Poison Ivy on the second day, which meant lots of ivy, glue, and Spanish moss.  I lost most of it carrying Rose around!  But the really tough costume was Punkgirl's Cassandra Cain/Batgirl.  For those of you who don't know, Cassandra Cain was mute when she first became Batgirl, so she sewed a costume piece over her mouth.  I accomplished this with some yellow thread on a morphsuit (a morphsuit is a thin stretchy suit that covers your whole body but you can see through it.) Then I used craft sticky paper to make a Batgirl symbol, and bought a cheap kids' Batman belt.

The effect was pretty cool.

Happyboy went as Moon Knight, which was pretty easy--a silver moon on a a black morphsuit with a white cape.  The little one, Rose, had a pretty tough costume--she was a Dr. Who Dalek!  

Pretty intimidating kids.

We went without Rose the first day, so that we could see the Jon Barrowman/Eve Myles Torchwood Reunion panel--which we barely made it into.  It was fairly awesome.  They were funny, charming, and just a little bit risqué! It was great!  But the staff hadn't planned for the 600 people who showed up for a room that seats 350.  We were packed in like sardines waiting for them to let us come in, and the reality was that we might not get in.  Luckily, we had had the foresight to eat lunch before we came, to spend time on the floor seeing what we wanted to see so that we could get in line an hour early, and to bring our own water so that when we were packed in like said sardines we wouldn't die of dehydration. Luckily for us--we made it in.  But there were at least 200 who didn't.

 The panel was the highlight of our day, though this was pretty cool:

A life-size Tardis!

The second day, we went as a family.  It was a little tougher to keep track of Rose, but such a fun time! We again ate before we went, and I packed a couple of gluten free snacks in my bag.  We did the kids' costume contest first!  Then we went straight downstairs and took a family picture.  When Rose got a little  fussy, I took her for a snack and then let her run around in the back area for a little while, while Coffeeguy and PG went for a walk around the Comic Con floor.  We all met up a little later.  We even got a picture with JB:

JB looks a little weirded out.

And Coffeeguy took this:

Proof that my teenager still loves her mama.

While waiting for our photo to be developed, the kids--even Rose--and I decided to help the volunteers out by removing the tape from the autograph room floor.  The two solo volunteers assigned to that project were extremely grateful, as we finished an all-night project in just about 45 minutes.

All in all, though it was pretty crowded and there were a few glitches (not enough seating for Jon Barrowman, for one, and a very crowded venue for another), it was a super fun experience! And we got to make this:  

Batgirl fighting Poison Ivy.  Or, as I like to call it, the physical interpretation of a regular day with a teen.

Bada** Forces For Good

I don't think it's any secret that we are a family of nerds (well, except Rose.  One year old Rose finds our embrace of nerd culture amusing.)

Boston Comic Con is nearly here, and we just spent an inordinate amount of time on finding things we need to make costumes.  Punkgirl, 13, is going as Cassandra Cain's Batgirl, Happyboy, 11, is going as Moon Knight, I'm going as Poison Ivy, Coffeeguy is going as the 9th Dr Who, and Rose is going as a Dalek.  

I'm sharing this because I want to point out the magic of nerdism when you have kids.  Two weeks of bickering has morphed into conversations about the costumes and the difference between concept Cosplay and authenticism.  Coffeeguy and HB are both sticklers for authenticity.  If it's a leather pea coat, a leather motorcycle jacket simply will not do.  PG and I like to be accurate, but also like to put our own spin on a character.  For instance:

The beginning of my Poison Ivy concept.

Once again, Rose is not impressed. 

She wore these for a millisecond before her nerd contempt got the better of her.

Little dalek for my little darling.

Today we lie in wait for all the lovely boxes containing morphsuits, gloves, etc. and instead of bickering there is speculation on what might get here today .  Now, you could argue that any interest can do that, and to you I say good for you.  But in my house, nothing gets the gang cooperating like the prospect of doing something outside the realm of "normal."  Maybe that's just my own nerd tendencies rubbing off on them, but I don't think so.  They love comic books, especially stories of outcasts becoming something more.  Cassandra Cain is a mute Batgirl, with a dark past, and yet is the most bada** good gal you could ask for.  Moon Knight has multiple personalities, but is still a force for good.  

We were supposed to go for two days, and the kids were psyched.  In looking at the prices, I realized that if we bought tickets for two days we couldn't get any photos with the celebrity guests.  I talked to the kids about it.  I wanted to be there for two days, too, but I knew that Coffeeguy would really love a photo.  The kids made a decision together--they could dress up on the day of the costume contest, and maybe use the costumes for Halloween, too.  We're going to geek out on August 10th, and we're even getting a picture with Doctor Who/Torchwood/Arrow guy Jon Barrowman, a fave of both Coffeeguy and myself.  It occurred to me, in putting his desire for a picture ahead of their own desire to go for two days, my kids are also bada** forces for good.