Punkgirl Gets Out

I have something to tell you that I haven't previously shared on Suck At Home Mom's Cranky Blog, because it wasn't my secret to share.  Punkgirl gave me the go-ahead, though, since it's something she's pretty happy about.

Punkgirl is officially "out."  She knew two years ago that she was gay, but I had asked her to wait a bit, explaining that I loved her whether she was attracted to girls, boys, or both, or whatever, but that she was still very young, and since she's still too young to date, she had plenty of time to decide. She took her time, sought out her real feelings, and confirmed her original assessment that she was a lesbian.

She was disappointed, I think, that we didn't seem shocked, or disappointed, or something, but Coffeeguy and I had always expected Happyboy to have that conversation (though surprisingly, despite his penchant for pink pants and butterfly tops, he has a crush on a girl named "V"), so when Punkgirl came out we sort of just transferred that prepared "we love you no matter what" speech to her.  She wears a pin that says, "Gay by nature, fabulous by choice" and carries the book Annie On My Mind around wherever she goes, throwing them out as a flag for those who are like her.  She wrote a newspaper for her writing resources class, and in it included a pretend advice column post that questioned the best way to come out.  

We took her to Pride, and celebrated with her, and we became followers of GLSEN and PFLAG on Facebook and Twitter.

She is so well-adjusted, and I have to feel like part of that is because of the unwavering love we have for her.  Most of it is just because she is who she is.

So now you know.  Punkgirl is out.  And she is awesome.

Christmas is coming! Some good advice...

Christmas is coming! New couples, make your plans now...

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/mine-and-my-husbands-christmas-is-completely-different-aia/

The Dental Racket

It's been a few weeks since my last post, mostly due to a throbbing abscessed tooth and sinus infection. Add in the holidays, the new job, and a breastfeeding baby and it leaves minimal time for writing.

I wanted to write a funny post for the holidays, but all I can think about is these two teeth, both of which need to be removed.  I've known for about 4 years that they needed to be removed, but since they didn't hurt, I kept putting it off, despite admonitions and disappointed looks from the dentist.  I realize I have no one to blame but myself for the painful state of said teeth now.  But as vain as it sounds, the idea of going at least two weeks without these two teeth, which are nearer to the front than the back, is devastating to me.  I come from a long line of toothless people, and I don't want to be one.

The dentist doesn't make it any easier.  After looking at the offending teeth, she brought me in for a full exam, sure that the other teeth would be in dire straights too.  But no, those are the only teeth I have really neglected, despite a hereditary bone disease.  After telling me I really just needed the two teeth pulled and some minor cleaning and scaling,  I was given a $6000 out of pocket expense sheet-- and I have insurance, and it's pretty good insurance, too. 

I nearly ran screaming, but then began to look at the work I was put in for. A "building up" of a tooth that I was then told might not crack for ten years, but it could crack tomorrow.  Umm, I'm going to take my chance and save myself $1000.  

Implants instead of a bridge, to the tune of $4500 per tooth.  No, again, I'll pay the $1500 for the bridge, thank you.  An implant for a missing tooth in the back, because there's nothing stopping the top tooth from coming down.  Since I had that tooth pulled when I was 22, and I'm now 41, again, I'll take my chances.  And a $129 electric tooth brush that I'll need to keep my teeth clean.  Ummmm.  I think I'll skip that, too. 

Basically, I need right now about $230 of out of pocket work, plus a $1500 bridge. That's a far cry from $6000. Since my daughter also needs braces this year, I'm going to go ahead and have those two teeth pulled, a bridge made, and my teeth cleaned and leave it at that.  Thanks for the heart attack,though.

Marriage Is No Fairy Tale

This article on The Good Men Project is entitled "Marriage Is No Fairy Tale." The commenters seem upset by the implication that they did not start out as their significant other's "best friend."  What do you think?
/http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/marriage-is-no-fairy-tale-aia/

To Party or Not To Party?

Rose turns one in a few short weeks, and I don't know where the time has gone. Usually as Punkgirl's and Happyboy's respective birthdays approach, I start planning big, crazy parties so that my giant family can attend.  We have tried the party at home (too difficult--my apartment is small and the guests never leave), the roller skating party (good, but kind of crowded), the bowling party (I liked that one, because we made it a super-hero bowling party), the bouncy house place (that one was a blast, but kind of pricey), and the hiking at the lake party (I liked that one too, but by the second hour it was freezing.)

Now that Rose's big, huge, milestone first birthday is approaching, I have planned...exactly nothing. Not only is the money a sort of issue--I only work one day per week, after all--but it's Christmas time. I could spend a giant portion of our Christmas money on a party I know she won't remember...or I can simply have a cake for very close family and leave it at that. A part of me feels like this is cheating Rose--no cool presents or fun party music--but another part of me thinks this is the only way to go.

While I love planning parties and I feel like they are milestones that should be celebrated and remembered...is it really a bad thing to skip the hype so close to the holidays? Does that make me the suckiest of suck at home moms?

All Brothers Are Jerks

Go check this out on The Good Men Project:

All Brothers Are Jerks. Amen.

http://goodmenproject.com/families/brothers-jerks-wwh/

White Baby, Black Doll

I remember when Punkgirl was little, and she loved baby dolls more than any other toy in the store.  She had about 100 baby dolls over the years, each with their own name and story.  Some of them were hideous...I remember one that used to shake like a crack addict and fall down.  I'm pretty sure we even called it "crack baby" (not in front of her, of course.). She loved every single one, but there was a very special set of twin baby dolls that she got on her first Christmas that have brought both her and her sister immense joy, despite the controversy they caused with strangers and even a couple of family members.

Punkgirl fell in love with a set of black baby doll twins when she was about 9 months old.  By in love I mean that she squealed and bounced up and down from the first moment she saw them, reaching out her hands for them immediately.  They have had many names over the years; once they were "the babies"...when she was learning colors they were her "beautiful brown babies"...when she was older they had "twin" names, like Emma and Ava or things like that.

From the moment she started carrying them around, she has had commentary. "Why do you have black babies?  You're white," was the least offensive. Neither Punkgirl nor her parents care if the babies are black, white, brown, or even purple; they are simply cute babies.  But for some reason, some people have a hard time understanding why I would buy my child a brown baby doll.  I had forgotten those conversations over the years, as Punkgirl stopped carrying dolls around (she's is 12, after all) and kept them neatly on her bed instead.  Now that 10 month old Rose has fallen in love with one of the twins (though interestingly not both) I find myself anticipating the same questions.  So I am preparing my answers ahead of time.  They're not complicated, but here they are, the top ten answers to the question "why does your white baby have a brown baby doll?"

1.  This is a cute baby.  Why would I want an ugly baby?

2.  She likes that baby.  They have the same lack of hair.

3.  I don't want her to judge anyone by skin color, so why start with a baby doll?

4.  Why the hell not?

5.  Why are you hating on a baby doll?

6.  It makes her happy.  SEE REASON #2

7.  Why do you only have a white baby doll.  Are you (gasp, look around, whisper) a racist?

8.  I believe in loving ALL baby dolls, regardless of color, religion, or sexual orientation.  In fact, this one just came out of the closet a few weeks ago. (Literally, my daughter has a box of dolls.)

9.  Are you still hating on a baby doll?  

10.  It's none of your damn business what I buy my baby, but in this case, it's been her sister's doll for twelve years, so she's part of the family.  That makes you a (second cousin, great-uncle, etc),  FYI.

So...what kinds of baby dolls does your child have?

Previously posted on BlogHer.